I laugh in the face of danger... then I hide until it goes away. -- Xander Harris.

For most of my life, my attitude in difficult times has been very positive and upbeat. At least that's what I put out for everyone. But inside, in my secret places-You know how I handled it, don't You? You protected me, but You let me find my own way, no matter how difficult. Let's review all my brilliant ways of handling hard times. Cigarettes, alcohol, illegal drugs, dishonoring my sexuality, food bingeing, throwing-up, self-mutilation, overspending, deceit, apathy. Then I finally listened to You and found that Your Grace really will be able to rescue me. All the years of lip service finally sunk in, and I saw You for who You really are, my Savior.

"I am strong- all because of You
I stand in awe of every mountain that You move
I am changed, yesterday is gone
I am safe from this moment on..." ~Natalie Grant~

So keep a firm grip on the faith. The suffering won't last forever. It won't be long before this generous God who has great plans for us in Christ--eternal and glorious plans they are!--will have you put together and on your feet for good. He gets the last word; yes, he does. (1 Peter 5: 9-11 The Message)
Heavenly Father, I am a work in progress. I know You won't give up on me God, even when I give up on myself. Could it be that being "loud", and living for You, also means I need to be willing to share my struggles with others, even the ones that I feel so much shame over? Help me remember to turn to You in troubled times. I know that You're not going to take all adversity out of my path, but the knowledge that You are always protecting me will make the path a little less treacherous.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; Courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; enjoying one moment at a time; accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him Forever in the next. Amen.
--Reinhold Niebuhr

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Forgiveness is the act of forgiving. I have often sought it, but I seldom give it. I have a hard time forgiving someone who has done me wrong. My attitude is, "They will need me before I need then!" I realize that this is not the message that the bible gives us, but I have a hard time being the bigger person and forgiving someone. Oftentimes, I may "forgive" someone, but I can't forget. My weakness is letting it go. This fills me with bitterness and angriness.
The book of Genesis (37-45) recounts the story of Joseph, a shepherd, who is thrown in a hole by his brothers and then sold into slavery because of jealousy. The story tells of Joseph's imprisonment and eventual rise to power. Over the years, after suffering, Joseph prospers and sees his fields fertile. He stockpiles grain during the good years. Eventually, a great famine befalls all the lands except Egypt (Genesis 41:52).

As fate would have it, Joseph's brothers travel to Egypt to get grain. They seek Joseph, but do not realize that it is their brother. Joseph recognizes them (Genesis 42:8) and thinks that they are spies. As time passes, Joseph reveals to them that he is their brother and tells them, "5 And now, do not be distressed and do not be angry with yourselves for selling me here, because it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you. 6 For two years now there has been famine in the land, and for the next five years there will not be plowing and reaping. 7 But God sent me ahead of you to preserve for you a remnant on earth and to save your lives by a great deliverance." Genesis 45:5-7)

Joseph forgives his brothers and does not harbor ill will. After all that he has been put through, he forgives them and exclaims that this was God's plan for him, so that he could keep his people from famine and despair. Even through all his pain and suffering, Joseph realizes that God worked everything out for good.
I confess that I have a hard time living by the example of Joseph. I have done things in my life and been forgiven for them, but I cannot, or will not, bring myself to do the same. I realize that by harboring feelings of ill will and bitterness I am not furthering the will of God. I pray that we all remember the story of Joseph and remember that God has a plan for all of us. Being unable to forgive is a barrier to that plan.

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" To Forgive is to set the prisoner free, and then discover the prisoner was you" (author unknown)

This week we are studying the life of Joseph in the Old Testament. A brief synopsis of his life would be to say that he was born in what today's terms would call a dysfunctional family. He had a doting father, who favored him among all his children. Because of this favoritism, Joseph was hated by all his brothers. Their hatred born of jealousy turned into revenge against their brother. They plotted to kill him, but one of the brothers asked his brothers not to kill him but sell him into slavery, tear his clothes, cover them with blood, and tell their father that Joseph was dead. Joseph was taken to a house where he earned favor of his master who put him in charge of the whole house. The master's wife was adulterous and tried to seduce Joseph, when he did not succumb to her advances she cried rape. He was falsely sent to prison, and while he was in prison he earned the favor of the prison warden, and the warden put him in charge of all the prisoners held there. Joseph was in jail for two full years before a promise made by a fellow inmate was finally fulfilled. You see, Joseph had a gift, he could interpret dreams. The fellow inmate talked with the Pharaoh and told him about Joseph and his gifts. The Pharaoh was so impressed with Joseph, and again Joseph earned his favor, he released him from prison and placed him second in command to rule over all of Egypt. At the end of these verses we see that Joseph calls for his brothers, who had sold him to slavery, and showed them forgiveness.

The moral that I got from this story is this, Joseph had a very hard life. He made no mistakes as a boy except being overly loved by his father. He was victimized by his brother's jealousy and revenge, but he did not curse God. Joseph was sold into slavery and had to work hard to earn the favor of the master, for free, and he did not curse God. Joseph tried to be a good boy at the advances of an adulterous woman and was falsely accused of rape and sent to prison, and Joseph did not curse God. Joseph spent years forgotten about in prison, and he did not curse God. How many of us could live a life where we can say we are a victim, a slave, and a prisoner and still keep our faith? How many of us could be treated like that from our own family and still forgive them? Even though it seemed as if for a large portion of Joseph's life that God was not there, but God was not absent, he was not late, he was always there, as he is always there for us. Never was it written that Joseph was dejected, sad, or even mad at his family, the woman, or God. Joseph made the best of every circumstance that God put him in. If you are a slave, be the head slave, if you are a prisoner, be in charge of all the other prisoners, and if you are a free man, become the ruler of all Egypt. Joseph's success in life comes from one thing, his Faith in the Lord our God. Where most read this verse and see a story of forgiveness, I see a story of strength. This man's faith was so strong of God, that he simply could not be beaten, no matter where he was, or what he did, he was to succeed in that faith. Joseph spoke softly, and lived Loudly.

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I promised them I would do the job to the best of my abilities. I promised them they'd recognize their friends (not just the popular group) at pep rallies. I promised them a rosy look back at high school from an amazing reunion.
Promise one: check. Promise two: check. Promise three, part one: check. Why did promise three have to be a two-parter???

Just as it was time to fulfill my last campaign promise, my life hit a "transitional period." The high school president of everything wanted to hide in the deepest darkest hole available rather than plan a reunion with no husband, no job, and living back at home with her parents. Suddenly the question "What do you do?" felt like the Inquisition rather than intended idle chit chat.

As painful as the task ahead of me seemed, in retrospect, I thank God I was unable to break my campaign promise. I chose a well-balanced reunion committee, band, caterer, and suitable location--and used newly acquired coordination skills to ace a job interview. Sensitivity to my "status" in life lead me to find creative ways to get to know people. I began asking "How do you like to spend your time?" and "What is your passion?"

By the time the big night arrived, though employed barely two weeks, I still wasn't married, and I still lived with Mom and Dad. Instead of focusing on what others might think of my self-imposed worldly failure, I finally began to fancy myself throwing a celebration of many lives that had impacted each other and continue to make an impact. Instead of cowering in a corner, I found myself singing with the band.

Reading Philippians 2:1-11

Prayer

Most Perfect Instructor,

We rejoice in the unexpected ways that you teach. We marvel at the artistry with which you transform sticky situations into beautiful blessings. This week we see Old Testament Joseph transforming from a son who has found favor with his father, to one that is forced to find fervor of spirit to carry on. We are glad that Joseph does not abandon his dreams and talents when situations become seemingly insurmountable. God, we are truly glad that you come after our hearts with intensity unmatched. Thank you for difficult journeys that bring us closer to You. Thank you for showing us that once we have served, we are more grateful to those who serve us. When we've experienced need, we appreciate others' needs. Use our lives to continue teaching and speaking in ways that only You can.

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"So then, it was not you who sent me here, but God." Genesis 45:8

After seeing his brothers again, Joseph wept deeply and loudly. His weeping is described four times in Genesis, chapters 42-45 alone; the NIV says he was "deeply moved" and he "hurried out," but the KJV describes it so we can feel it: "And Joseph made haste; for his bowels did yearn upon his brother: and he sought where to weep; and he entered into his chamber, and wept there." (Gen. 43:30) Have you ever been hurt so profoundly that your bowels yearned, anxiously longed for solution, reprieve, love, healing and you had to search for a place to cry so as not to alarm everyone else around you? Joseph's hurt was, truly, about as bad as it gets, and, coincidentally, the pain was inflicted upon him by those who were supposed to love him the most -- his family. (Nothing new under the sun, you may say!)

We do tend to hurt the ones we love the most, and, in turn, we also feel more pain when we are stabbed by the words or deeds of those who should love and never do us harm. As one who has asked forgiveness many times (but perhaps not often enough) from those I love and also one who has suffered the pain of my parents' and other loved ones' neglect, indifference, manipulation or inability or unwillingness to honestly deal with certain circumstances, I have wept so loudly that I thought "the Eqyptians and the house of Pharaoh heard" me, too! (Gen. 45:2) But Joseph was able to do something that comes hard for most of us: "he kissed all his brothers and wept upon them!" (45:15) He forgave them, for no reason at all -- except love. He loved them. He loved them as God loves us, and he knew, without a doubt, that God had put him and his brothers right where they were supposed to be at the appointed time. Anytime I struggle with forgiveness, I must remind myself of Jesus' prayer asking our Father to forgive us in the same way we forgive those who trespass against us, mistreat us or otherwise go beyond the limits of what is right and moral where we are concerned. The way I interpret that line gives me no choice except to forgive, but I just do not believe that God has to work as hard to forgive me as I do to forgive others -- and that's certainly not because I am more deserving! God's very nature is Love, and mine is ... not, and Love somehow implies and contains forgiveness. We, as a society, should have tarred and feathered Ali MacGraw and 1970's Love Story author, Erich Segal, for promoting the silly idea that "Love means never having to say you're sorry." Oh, please! Love means always saying you are sorry -- quickly and earnestly!

Obviously, because we are humans and we love to analyze, compare and imagine, the circumstances surrounding any particular need to forgive or be forgiven are not always uncomplicated. (Relationships positively foster melodrama! Why, just consider Joseph's story! His father loved him best! His brothers were jealous and got rid of him! One brother didn't want to go along with it, and Jacob would never recover from the heartbreak until they were reunited! Many years passed; Joseph had an entirely new life, then his brothers had to bow before him --- and it goes on and on! Dr. Phil just wishes he had these guys on TV!) But the constant truth is that the quality of our lives always boils down to our willingness to forgive and to love as we are loved by our Heavenly Father -- deeply, quickly and earnestly; and as always the Bible reminds us what is best for us.

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