As a new wife, one of the things I struggled with the most was figuring out just what that meant. Prior to the wedding, my fiancé and I were bombarded with tidbits of wisdom from others' experiences. However, none of those pieces of advice prepared me for what was coming. None of them told me what I so desperately needed to figure out: what it means to be someone's wife.

Several months into our marriage, my husband and I had a serious conversation about what he was expecting from me. I confronted him one evening and asked him what he wanted from me as his wife. I had struggled on my own with this question for long enough. I needed his input. I needed to know.

His response shocked me. I had expected a list of chores and household duties he had anticipated that I would do, and things he wanted me to do on a regular basis for him. In my mind I had let myself believe that this would be the conversation where he would say that I had let him down, or that I was not what he had imagined I would be as a spouse. I never expected what he said to me: "I want you to be my teammate." To that point in our marriage, I had knocked myself out trying to be the perfect wife, keeping the house spotless and doing the laundry just the way he liked it done and preparing wonderful meals every night. I kicked myself if he had to do something that I felt was my job, and I tortured myself with thoughts that I wasn't living up to my role as a wife. I never imagined that what my husband wanted most from me was for me to walk alongside him - not behind him, picking up his laundry - and to just be with him on life's journey.

As it turned out, my ideas of what it meant to be a wife were all from a worldly point of view. My job is not to slave away, keeping things perfect for him. Yes, part of my role may be to maintain our home, but that is not all of what it means to be a wife. While we haven't been married as long as many couples in our church, I can offer this jewel of wisdom to other couples around me: Be a team. We were created not for rigid job descriptions or for perfectly performing a part like actors in a play, but for companionship. Men were created with that need, and women were brought into their lives to fill it. Marriage provides the perfect opportunity for such teamwork.

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When I read Psalm 145, verse 10-12, I am reminded of all the glorious things that God does for me. When I was down and had nowhere to turn, God was there to point me back to the right path. Since I have experienced the grace and goodness of God, I am reminded daily that I need to praise Him and that I need to show others of that love. It is noble that as a church community we share that love with each other on a weekly basis. It has been said many times that we, as a church community, need to get out from behind the walls and "spread" the love of God. I try not to waste an opportunity to spread that message. In the recent past, I have had opportunities to talk with people who are hurting. I am able to reassure them that they are not alone in their struggles and that they have a God who loves them. God has a plan for them; God has a plan for all of us. If we can just be still and listen, God will talk to us. All though the Old Testament, there are stories of God's glory...seeming defeat, but then glorious victory. We have God's word that He will never leave us. This is backed up by the stories in the Bible. More and more I feel that my role in life, along with this church community, is that of a "role model": not necessarily as one to be admired or emulated, but one who should set an example of sharing God's awesome love and power. It is a role that is scary, one that I'm not sure that I want, but it is a role I feel that God is calling me to do. Do you hear Him calling you as well?

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And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.
(Ephesians 5:21-24)

As a husband, I've often struggled with this scripture. At first glance, one might believe that this verse gives the husband full authority over the wife, granting him the ability to direct her every move and expect her humble obedience. But these words are not a husband's authority to fulfill their selfish egos by exerting dominance over their wives.
In verse 21, Paul begins by saying husbands and wives are to "submit to one another out of reverence for Christ". Paul is talking about a "mutual relationship" where both parties respect and honor one another, as they strive together to make a contribution to sharing the Gospel and living out their lives in a covenant relationship with one another.
Verses 22-24 go on to better define the roles of husband and wife. The husbands are to be to the wife as Christ is to the body of believers. Christ gave his entire life to the church, demonstrating servanthood and sacrifice to win her. In response, the wife is to respond to the husband's servanthood and sacrifice in a way that honors and pays tribute to his immense love for her.
Are all marriage relationships like this? I wish they were, but we see far too few of these today. Even in our own homes, we struggle to establish and maintain this kind of intimate relationship, just as we struggle spiritually to maintain this same type of fellowship with our Savior. My loving and lovely wife is a very special blessing to me. From many years of marriage, I can tell you that my relationship with my wife often follows along the same way as my relationship with my Savior. When one suffers, so does the other.
From my perspective, my wife and I need to mutually engage one another in an intimate relationship as we serve one another, putting the needs of the other ahead of our own, while pursuing to follow the path that God has set before us. My wife serves both my needs and God's call when she honors me by joining with me in my quest to pursue God and by allowing me to love her with all my heart and soul. "Accept me as I am and love me even in spite of my faults, and help me to grow with you in our love for each other and for our children and for our God."

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When I owned a horse I relied on him to carry me. If he did not pick up his feet he might trip. If he became startled he might bolt. If he didn't pay attention he might bang into a jump rather than go over it. Likewise, he counted on me to do my part. I made sure I put his gear on properly so it would not hurt him. I rode with gentle hands so the bit would not cut his mouth, and I never asked him to jump something that was too high for him. Our reliance and trust in one another meant that we were good friends and a near unbeatable team in the show ring. We achieved our goals because we each fulfilled our roles.

Read Ephesians 5:22-33 from The Message. The Bible illustrates God's plan for how husbands and wives should relate to one another in a marriage. Like the horse and rider analogy, we see that there are two entities who each have specific roles and when each partner fulfills their role they create a happy, healthy partnership.

For a woman, these can be challenging verses as they have often been taken out of context and misused. However, when read in context we see that a woman's role is very special. She is to be loved as Christ loved the church. That's hardly offensive. What woman doesn't want to be cherished? After all, Christ died for the church.

In return, the wife is to love and follow her husband as the church loved and followed Christ. I like the phrasing The Message uses, "understand and support your husbands." This is not a position of simpering weakness but instead it is a position of critical assistance and strength. Women in marriage have been charged as the Chief of Staff, if you will. It requires thought to achieve understanding and action to provide support and like a well-qualified job candidate, God has provided women with the skills necessary to be a wife.

Society's changing definition of what a wife is and should be prove that it is not always an easy role to play. Yet when examined through God's eyes being a wife is a wonderful, important and even challenging adventure that He uses to mold and shape us into women of Christ.

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God made the earth and the heavens.

He formed the man...

Then he said, "It is not good for the man to be alone".

~Relationships Began~

God desired for man to have a companion and He made a woman from the rib taken from the man. Adam and Eve, the first of mankind were placed in the Garden of Eden to tend and watch over it. Too bad they were tempted and made the wrong choices that ruined a perfect relationship in a perfect place with the Creator of all things. Even though the world became a mess, it was God's intention for a man to unite with a wife and become one unit having a loving relationship with him and each other.

I think Gods design of a relationship is one of friendships and partnerships. Unions of love, respect, honesty, and support with others.

As women of God shouldn't we live in a manner of honorable influence? Shouldn't our children know of God and his teachings before growing into adulthood? They are the next to leave a mark on humanity. And, as women of God shouldn't we fight hard to keep our focus on what we were created for, women with loving and supportive relationships with our husbands, family, church and God?

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