Matthew 26: 69-75
So many times in life, we are willing to tell our church friends all about our trials and sufferings in the name of our God, but when we get out into the real world we act like we don't even know Him. We see this with Peter in these verses. Peter has walked side by side with Jesus for three years of his life. He had left his former life and had dedicated all his time to be spent with Jesus. Peter had learned from Jesus, and was beginning to hear Jesus say that His time on earth would soon end. Earlier that same evening, Jesus had told Peter that even that very night, Peter would deny Jesus not just once but three times. Peter had of course vehemently denied this, and promised to remain beside Jesus all the way. Jesus was taken by the Roman soldiers, and Peter stood nearby watching. When several recognized Peter as being one of Jesus' disciples, Peter denied any relationship with his Lord.
Why do we struggle and have problems doing what we say we will do, and have trouble really standing up for what (or who) we say we stand for? Is this just an innate human weakness, or is it rooted deeper? I believe it is part of the struggle we face when we begin to let go of the control we have over our own lives, and hand it over to God. Without problems in our face, it's pretty easy to say "yes" to God and give Him control. But when we encounter problems, we seem to want to take that control back. We want to be the god of our own lives, and protect ourselves from the problems our little minds see.
I believe the real struggle here is this: 1) we don't realize how BIG our God really is and what He is able to do, and 2) we don't realize how deeply He loves us. He tried to demonstrate just how big He is and how much He loves us by sending His one and only Son to show us how to live, and then die on a cross to pay the price for our own selfishness (and other many sins). How big will you let God be in your life, and how much will you let Him love you? He loves you very deeply, and you can discover this if you ever really let go and let Him stay in control through the rough times.

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John records that Andrew; Simon's brother sought Simon after meeting Jesus and spending the day with him. As soon as they were introduced, Jesus looked intently at Simon and told him his name would be Cephas or Peter (both mean "Rock"). Peter didn't know it at the time, but he did become a very solid rock for the Lord in sharing God's word. Knowing this, it is surprising to me to see that Peter, who walked, lived, and worked with Jesus, still had doubt and fear, lacking confidence and trust. Because of his little faith Peter denied knowing his closest friend and savior, Jesus, when he was being sentenced to death. During the days following Christ's death and resurrection Peter must have did some serious soul searching, for he did become the witness and messenger that Jesus had made him to be. He found the confidence to Believe in Himself and the boldness to stand before his peers and state the truths that Jesus had taught him. Peter saved many souls and founded many churches. He died doing what he loved most, which was spreading the Good News of his dearest friend and mentor with all men.

May we be like Peter and search our hearts and souls; finding the confidence to Believe in Ourselves and have the faith and boldness to share love and forgiveness, understanding and acceptance, tolerance and encouragement to all people. Jesus never expected perfection from people; he accepted them as they were. He didn't pressure, judge or criticize either. People, including Christians will never fit into the Perfection Mold. Christians are not perfect, just forgiven. God designed us all differently. We are unique, distinct, and significant. We all have thoughts, dreams and desires and God wants us to believe in ourselves. As followers of Christ Jesus shouldn't we give reassurance and hope to those who falter in believing in themselves? And, shouldn't we reinforce encouragement and appreciation to one another too?

Life's a Challenge.

I have told you all of this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world. John 16:33. And, be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.

Matthew 28:20b

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Reading this story this week and thinking of how we can all believe in ourselves better than we do, I saw a message there that seemed to be especially for me. Jesus knew that Peter could walk on the water if He kept his eyes on him. Jesus knew it would be possible for him, or He would never have put him in such danger. Peter, too, must have believed in some part of his mind that it would be possible, or I doubt that he would have set foot outside the relative safety of the boat.

At some point, though, Peter lost sight of what was going on. Amazed at what was happening, incredulous that he - Peter - could possibly be walking on water, he looked down. Doubting that someone like him could do something like that, he took his eyes off Jesus and looked at the rolling waves beneath his feet. Instantly, he lost his footing and began to sink into the cold, rough waters. Had Jesus not been there to grab hold of him, he would have disappeared from sight.

The thing is, though, that Jesus was there. Jesus called Peter out of the boat to prove to Peter that it was the Lord standing before him, but He also asked Peter to step out of the boat to prove to Peter that he was capable of great things. Jesus believed in him enough to call him the rock he would build the church upon; all He needed was for Peter to believe in himself the way that the Lord did.

I'm sure that Peter was somewhat skeptical as Jesus asked him to get out of the boat, but Peter did it anyway. He trusted that Jesus believed in him, and chose to believe in himself for that brief moment. Even when he fell, he was better off than if he had chosen to stay in the boat, scared and trembling with the other disciples. Had he not trusted the Lord and believed in himself, he would not have had that special moment alone with Jesus on the rolling waves in the middle of the night. Peter's failure, though initially born of trust in the Lord, brought him closer to Jesus. I hope that will be true in my own life.

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Believing in oneself is not an easy thing. There are times when I tell myself that I can do something on my own, only to find out that I can't. It is as these moments that I set myself up for a fall. This vicious cycle has repeated itself many times throughout my life. I have had to realize that if Jesus believes in me enough that He won't give up on me, then maybe I shouldn't give up on me either and that I should trust in Him as much as He trusts in me.

Reading the Gospel stories in John 1:35-42, Matthew 14:22-36, Matthew 26:69-75, and Acts 2:14-41, I realize that we are not so different than those that began following Jesus centuries ago. Peter went through a name change, and his name translated meant "rock"; Jesus believed that Peter would be a rock for Him. It is amazing to me that He does this even though He knows that Peter will doubt Him and deny Him. Jesus knew that in the end, Peter would be a "rock" for Him and preach His Gospel. Peter finally realizes it, preaches the truth to a crowd, and about 3,000 people become believers on that day.

I am guilty of running from Jesus, rather than running to Jesus, and I try and do things without guidance from God. When I fail, I do not feel good about myself. I have learned that by listening to God, by trusting God, and by following God, I can do things that I never thought possible. When I am able to do those things, I realize that like Peter, no matter how much I deny, doubt, or run from God, He believes in me and wants to use me as His "rock."

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Belief

I'm probably the last person in the world who should be writing a devotional about believing in yourself. Frankly I don't believe in myself for much or even most of the time. I doubt that I am worthy of God's notice, much less a role in His plan. It has been a very difficult year, much has happened that I don't understand. I don't understand how it can be part of His plan, or how it could "work together for good".

The good news is that God is big. Bigger than any doubts or questions. Big enough that our doubts, our confusion, questioning and even denial cannot hurt Him. A minister I used to know would often say that "doubt is not the opposite of faith, disbelief is". That is a profound comfort to me. God doesn't give up on us when we question Him, nor when we doubt Him. I'm almost certain He actually welcomes our questions. It is through them that we learn more about His character.

Don't get me wrong, its not easy, and a lot of questions remain unanswered. There are some things in life that are simply beyond our human understanding. Yet, they too are part of God's plan. Belief in God is simply letting go of your life, and allowing Him to work in you and through you to accomplish more than would ever be possible by your power alone.

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."

-Ephesians 3:20-21

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